FSSA-BDDS employee completes last long-distance wheelchair tour for slain children
Richard Propes completed his 571st (and final) lap around downtown Indianapolis’ Monument Circle in the early morning hours of Oct. 5 with a sense of finality and, even, a bit of sadness.
With mixed emotions Propes put the finishing touches on a three decade-long charitable endeavor that began as a simple search for kindness in the world. Letting go of something that had become so dear was far more difficult than he imagined, but the fact he’d made it to this point at all was something of a miracle for Richard who, about 30 years prior, wasn’t even sure he believed he could succeed.
Proving people wrong – himself included – has become a habit for Richard Propes, who reflected on charity work that, throughout the years, has helped raise nearly $1 million, primarily for services and organizations dedicated to child abuse and domestic violence prevention.
“I always experience a little bit of a letdown after a Tenderness Tour event, but this year I think it could best be described as grief,” Richard reflected, days after wheeling night and day in tribute to young Hoosier lives lost to violence. “While I have no doubt it’s the right choice to close this chapter of my life, the Tenderness Tour has been part of my life for over half my life, and I’ve experienced so many wonderful changes in those 30 years that I find myself having difficulty imagining life without a Tenderness Tour event, and without planning for the next event.”
What ended up becoming “The Tenderness Tour,” an effort now as closely tied to Richard as his name, had its genesis in some of Propes’ darkest days. But when he set out in his wheelchair with only $20 to his name in the fall of 1989, Propes, a then-homeless double amputee, perhaps unexpectedly found in abundance the kindness he sought. Through it all, he discovered a new direction and a new purpose: helping mend broken hearts and inspiring hope in those who have faced some of life’s most difficult challenges.
A perfect circle
As difficult as it may have been to start The Tenderness Tour, leaving it behind has been anything but easy for Propes.
There is a measure of closure for Richard, however, and it comes in the wake of 30 years of travel that forged new friendships and created a legacy of kindness and compassion that, in Propes’ earlier years, might have seemed little more than a pipe dream.
Propes, who has spina bifida, was living on disability benefits after developing an infection that resulted in the amputation of his lower legs. Richard was also grieving the then-recent deaths of his wife and child. The losses dropped Richard into to what he called “a really low point, personally.” Anger and sorrow were consuming him, and he at times wondered whether or not he had a reason to live at all. But rather than sink further into despair, Propes found a goal – and a willingness to pursue it.
“The Tenderness Tour was really started out of my own desperation to break my own cycles and my desire to find good people,” Richard, who is also a survivor of child abuse, said.
Without any sort of a solid plan, Propes said he left Indianapolis in his wheelchair intending to wheel himself throughout the state in order to raise money for the nonprofit Prevent Child Abuse Indiana. The hope was that his actions would bring attention to child abuse, potentially stopping other children from experiencing what he did in his youth. And, hopeless as he felt at the time, there was another reason Richard took on a task he knew would thoroughly test him mentally and physically. He had to know if kindness was really out there – or was the world, in fact, as unkind and bleak as it had so often seemed?
A thousand miles from nowhere
Richard’s first Tenderness Tour took 41 days and led him across about 1,000 miles of the Hoosier State. But he didn’t have to travel long or far to find the answer to his burning question.
“Thirty years later I can still barely think about that experience without tears,” Propes said. “I never went without a place to stay -- or a meal, or water, or even just words of kindness. I made friends on that first tour who remain friends to this day. I returned home realizing that there were good people in the world and that I was far more capable than I’d ever realized.”
His faith in humanity restored and a new sense of his place in the world alive within him, Richard began to turn around his life.
He started classes at Martin University where he later graduated as valedictorian. He got a job in the healthcare industry and bought a house. He looked at how he could continue making a positive impact in the lives of children and families, and he kept on wheeling at least once per year, making the Tenderness Tour a more than annual activity.
“I came back motivated to change my life for the better, which over time I did, and to help empower others to do the same… which hopefully I do,” Richard said. The Tenderness Tour was now very much a thing, and after raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for child abuse prevention and traveling by wheelchair to locales as far as Cincinnati, Chicago, and Lexington, Kentucky, it’s easy to see why closing the door on long distance events is emotional for Propes. The Tenderness Tour is very much a part of him.
Still, he’s at peace with the decision to leave behind some of the grueling physical challenges involved with the completion of the long distance tours.
“This last Tenderness Tour was a perfect way to close the chapter, though,” Propes said. “I was able to accomplish my task physically despite it being a tremendous physical challenge, and I was able to reach my financial goal. However it was hard enough to do physically that it also did really affirm that it’s time to explore new ways to make a difference in the world that are less physically demanding.”
If indeed the 2019 Tenderness Tour is Richard’s last long distance wheeling event, he closed out the program on a very high note: the event raised in excess of $10,000, placing it among Propes’ highest fundraising tallies.
In all, Richard wheeled more than 5,000 miles and has assisted dozens of different charities. For that work, he’s received a litany of accolades and honors, including being named a Sagamore of the Wabash, a Kentucky Colonel, an Indiana Pacers Community Hero, an Indianapolis Colts Community Quarterback, and a recipient of WRTV-6’s Leadership Award, to name only a few.
More to come
As Richard leaves behind some of the more physically-demanding Tenderness Tour activities, he’s resolute that, when it comes to raising awareness of child abuse and domestic violence, he’s far from finished.
“While I don’t plan any more long distance events, I’ve openly said I would consider a short memorial Tenderness Tour event,” remarked Richard. “Wheeling across the country is still on my bucket list, but for now that’s not on my radar. While I don’t see that happening, I’ve learned to never say never because I so strongly believe in what I do. And with the right team behind me, anything is possible.”
Richard’s enduring team of volunteers, which seems only to grow in number by the year, remains one of his brightest guiding lights, and with that support always at the ready, he knows he can accomplish whatever task lies ahead.
“I have an amazing group of volunteers,” said Propes, “I have people who are really supportive, really empowering.” Richard described his crew of helpers as “a wonderful village of people who truly care.”
Those volunteers will certainly play an expanded role in some of Richard’s ongoing activities, far from the least of which is his continued participation in a 5k intended to benefit domestic violence survivors.
Propes originated Indy’s Race Away from Domestic Violence as a Tenderness Tour. The annual event will see its 17th iteration in July 2020, and it remains an accomplishment of which Richard is most proud. Proceeds from the 5k benefit the Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
He also continues to research and catalog the names of murdered children and teens in the hopes he can share their stories and pay homage to those who never got the chance to grow up.
“I track the names of child victims of violence because I do believe it’s so important that these children be remembered,” said Propes. Called “One Million Acres,” this additional project was part of the inspiration behind Richard’s final Tenderness Tour, and he hopes one day to build a fitting memorial for those young lives lost. Of special note: One Million Acres includes names of children from every state, and Richard is working to collect data on child homicide from every country as well.
Breaking the cycle
Thirty years of wheeling have left Richard Propes with countless happy memories, innumerable new friends, and even more motivation than he had one October day in 1989 when he put into action his goal of breaking his own cycle of despair.
But to get there he knew he had to overcome the circumstances of his life that were beyond his control. It’s a lesson he shares with those dealing with any number of challenges, and it’s at the forefront of his work with the Family and Social Services Administration’s Bureau of Developmental Disabilities Services.
“The trauma happened to you; it doesn’t define you,” stated Richard. “That’s what we have to let go of. That’s what I had to let go of.”
Richard has worked for the state of Indiana for 13 years, and his position as a waiver support community liaison with FSSA-BDDS allows him to directly impact the lives of fellow Hoosiers by helping connect them to helpful resources.
“The great thing about this job is I can directly impact the system by making it friendlier, more personable,” Propes said.
Remembering that help and support is available, no matter how difficult one’s challenges may appear, is vital in overcoming those obstacles, Richard believes. And it takes what he called “a commitment to healing” to shine that light through the darkness.
Seeing the hope he’s inspired in those who’ve lost loved ones to violence continues to motivate Richard Propes, who, 30 years ago, never dreamt his fledgling charity work might one day give so much hope to so many of his fellow Hoosiers. There’s a word for that.
“While I’m less naïve than I was,” said Propes. “I’m also infinitely more optimistic. I’ve experienced so much goodness and hope over the past 30 years, and time after time I’ve seen the power of informed and inspired people to make a difference in the world. Thirty years ago I didn’t believe in love. Today, I do."
Story by Brent Brown, Indiana State Personnel Department